I have been working with and riding horses since 1994. This should mean that I am a fantastic and capable horsewoman with a lot of confidence around a variety of horses. However, the truth is that I have a lot of anxiety and probably suffer from Impostor Syndrome. I don't think I'm good enough. I currently work at a therapeutic riding center, exercising the horses and keeping their minds sharp. My first day was yesterday and I probably could have done better handling the horse that I rode, but I lack so much self-confidence that I became a timid rider and horse handler.
I know what I'm doing, though. I know I do. I'm just not sure of myself. It kills me to lack so much confidence in something that I have been doing for a huge part of my life.
I'm afraid that people are going to say I'm not good enough to do the job that I have been wanting to do. This fear drives me to be at my worst. I know that it's prior experiences of terrible bosses haunting me and it's illogical for me to feel this way. I'm on edge at my new job, expecting the worst any second.
I need to relax. Get my bearings.
Today I am volunteering at the horse rescue and then heading over to work the therapy horses. My goal today is to prove to myself that I am good enough to work with horses. There is no current proof saying I'm not.
I wouldn't have been hired if they didn't think I couldn't do it. If I do something wrong, I'll be corrected, and it probably won't be like how I was corrected at the traumatizing job.
Today, I will work with horses like I have been working with horses for 24 years.
